Journal Entry 6/4 From Kristi

“I will put breath in you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the LORD.” Ezekiel 37:5-6

Departing from rehab campus housing last week and cutting our second string with Craig Hospital proved to be as hard as I expected. Rich and Everest arrived to help us settle into our hotel room across town and I returned to our campus room to finish clearing it out. The empty room flooded me with emotions of remembrance, the battles and the victories. I knelt at the foot of Zac’s empty bed and cried and cried. Until the Lord gently reprimanded me: “Kristi, your son is alive. Go and enjoy him.” With that, I took a *deep breath*, shut the door to our room, and closed yet another chapter. // Of course, hours before when Zac left the room, he was happy and chatting. I don’t think it fazed him. His joy inspires me.

I’ve been reminded this week that our Faith is never wasted. I have prayed, believed, hoped, invested all of my energy into faith for God’s perfect work in Zac. Yet I’m being reminded that the purpose of our faith is not to produce an end result.

The purpose of faith is simply to please God. “For without faith, it is impossible to please God.” Heb. 11:6.

The burden of result is released from me as I simply enjoy the journey of worshipping Jesus.

So I can take another *deep breath*.

After dragging my feet to leave Craig, the Lord provided us with a pool in the hotel. I find this so like our Lord - “let go of what you are holding onto, trust Me, and I will lead you into something even better” He whispers to us.

So for the first time, without therapists, Zachary got back into the waters. He transferred onto the assessable pool chair, we lowered him down, and slowly brought him into the waters. At first, he just floated with pool noodles. But he soon graduated to swimming, using mostly his biceps and water shoes to keep his feet from sinking.

It was frightful at first to watch him move in the waters. I kept wanting to rescue him when his body submerged. But I began to quickly realize something: as long as he took a good, deep breath of air, he was safe for a moment to explore movement under the water. So I began to focus on his breaths. *Deep breath*. Good job Zac. He begins to sink. Don’t save him yet. He is learning again how to swim. Moments pass. Then another quick breath. Whew. And back under the waters again.

Of course, we had hand signals if he needed to be rescued. But as long as he took that breath, he was safe for a moment.

And of course, it hit me: I am that swimmer. Moving through these waters of adversity. Overwhelmed by the waves, drowning in moments of fear…. but that single breath, that refilling of His spirit in me, renews me just enough to submerge again into the trial to safely move through it, until I need to come back up for air a moment later.

My continual dependence upon Jesus.

He is breath in my lungs, allowing me to swim just one day more.

“The breath of the Almighty gives me life.” Job 33:4

Pray for our upcoming discharge from rehab and return to Brookings on June 14.

Pray for our search for a new home. We have to be out of our current rental home July 31.

*deep breath*